♪ open my eyes to what i despise but in 14 seconds or more i tear it down ♪ ♪ ♪ you see they give you toys just to distract ♪ ♪ and then they break your mind so they can break your back ♪ ♪ they got you in too much debt you can't pay it back ♪ ♪ and that's the way that it has been far too long ♪ ♪ take back the toys or i'll destroy 'em do you hear what i say ♪

♪ take back the toys ♪ take back the toys that you gave to me i never knew what to do with them anyway ♪ ♪ i never knew how to break up the box i'll stick to pebbles and boulders and blocks ♪ ♪ so take back the toys that you threw my way i never knew what to do with them anyway ♪ ♪ i never knew how to break up the box i guess the venom is served on the rocks ♪ >> thank you very much. [ cheers and applause ] >> jay: the hives! nice work, gentlemen. nice work. thank you. i want to thank my guests colin farrell, dakota meyer and the hives! monday night arnold schwarzenegger but emmy-winner "jimmy fallon" is next! have a great weekend! [ cheers and applause ] ♪

>> steve: from studio 6b in rockefeller center, the national broadcasting company presents -- tonight's guests are -- and featuring the legendary roots crew. and here he is -- jimmy fallon! [ cheers and applause ] captions paid for by nbc-universal television -- captions by vitac -- www.vitac.com

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you very much. hey, everybody, thank you. welcome. welcome to "late night with jimmy fallon," everybody. thank you for being here tonight. the party crowd. that's the crowd i'm talking about. that's the vibe i want. thank you, guys. welcome, welcome. thank you for watching. here's what people are talking about, you guys. after months of intense debate practice with senator john kerry, president obama promises to be more aggressive and a lot tougher on mitt romney in the next debate. which explains obama's new debate coach, nicki minaj. [ laughter ] i'm afraid. i'm afraid of nicki minaj, yeah. some more political news. in a new interview, mitt romney said that he is against marijuana being used for recreational purposes. [ boos ] when stoners heard that, they were like, "well, what about just for fun? [ laughter ] can we use it for fun?"

[ cheers and applause ] check this out. in a new interview, first lady michelle obama said that she would choose will smith or denzel washington to play her husband in a movie. or as democrats put that, "any way they can play him in a debate?" [ laughter ] thank you, yeah. thank you very much. i just heard about this. the olive garden is getting rid of its famous catchphrase, "when you're here, you're family." yeah. they're gonna start using a more appropriate catchphrase. "when you're here, the wait was too long at the cheesecake factory." [ laughter ] that's what they're gonna change it to. yeah, it turns out that the whole time that we were there -- ♪ we weren't family. [ laughter ] [ audience aws ]

>> audience member: we love you, jimmy. >> jimmy: thank you, pal. [ laughter ] you guys, we should make that our slogan. when you guys are here, you're family. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ that's a great slogan. we will take it from the olive garden. that's our new slogan. "late night with jimmy fallon." when you're here, you're family! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: the olive garden of television shows. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] >> pasta falliano. >> jimmy: aw. have you guys heard about this? oh, man, there's a hulk hogan sex tape going around the internet. [ audience groans ] it's a sex tape featuring 59-year-old hulk hogan, which explains the tape's name "wrinklemania." [ laughter ] get this, a woman in georgia is suing radio shack for selling her a smartphone loaded with porn. in response, radio shack was

like, "that is impossible. our employees don't know how to program a smartphone." [ laughter ] radio shack. here's a crazy story. this week, police in scotland spent 15 minutes rescuing a man who got his head stuck in a trash can. [ light laughter ] which seems less heroic when you hear that they spent over 45 minutes filming it for youtube. [ laughter ] [ scottish accent ] "we're tryin' to get ya out, brother! ya hungry in there?" [ laughter ] "get me out." [ scottish accent ] >> steve: "i caught me head in a trash can!" [ scottish accent ] >> jimmy: "come on, brother. hang on, we're gonna get the jaws a' life!" [ laughter ] and finally, this week, justin bieber's mom went on a date with "bachelor" host chris harrison. [ audience ohs ] come on, hasn't justin bieber done enough vomiting for one week? [ laughter ] we have a great show tonight. give it up for the roots! ♪ [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: we got a big show tonight. she has a brand new daytime talk show. the one, the only, katie couric is here! [ cheers and applause ] i love katie couric, man. plus, she the stars in "icarly." we did a special crossover episode, guest-starring our show and me. premieres tomorrow night at 8:00 p.m. on nickelodeon. that's right. the season premiere of "icarly." we're in it. higgins, you're in it. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: what?! >> jimmy: yes, you're in it. roots is in it. [ cheers and applause ] and talking about "icarly," i'm talking about my man, jerry trainor, in the house! [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: nice dude. >> jimmy: funny human. and closing out the show, speaking of funny humans, one of my favorite stand up comedians of all time. right? >> steve: yeah. >> jimmy: where do you put him? i put him in my top ten. >> steve: top ten, yeah. >> jimmy: i mean, he's unbelievable. he's always the funniest guy out there. [ as dom irrera ] "not in a bad way." >> steve: "no, in a good way." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "not in a bad way." the very funny dom irrera is on the show. [ cheers and applause ]

[ as dom irrera ] >> steve: "not in a bad way." >> jimmy: he's unbelievably funny. i love him. it's gonna be a fun show. today's friday. it's loose. we have a bunch of partiers in the audience, going nuts. [ cheers and applause ] i like fridays. that's usually when i catch up on some personal stuff. i check my inbox. i return some e-mails and, of course, i send out "thank you notes." [ cheers and applause ] but i was running a bit behind -- today, so i thought, if you guys wouldn't mind, i'd just like to write out my weekly "thank you notes" right now. do you guys mind? is that cool? [ cheers and applause ] thank you so much. i got a few notes over here. hey, james, can i get some "thank you note" writing music, please? ♪ >> steve: oh, no. [ laughter ] battery's -- >> steve: i think somebody shot him with a -- >> jimmy: battery's draining, yeah. oh -- he fell asleep. >> steve: what happened? >> jimmy: what is he doing? >> steve: oh, did you hear the squeak? there he is. >> jimmy: hey, man. >> steve: hey! >> jimmy: oh, man. he's just a weird dude. >> steve: he's got narcolepsy again. >> jimmy: okay, here we go.

thank you, president obama, for not being able to perform on your anniversary night. [ laughter ] the debate. we're talking about the debate. >> steve: the debate. the debate. [ new york accent ] >> jimmy: "don't besmirch!" >> steve: "don't besmirch the oval office!" [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you. that's standards and practices, here at nbc. thank you. [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, clapping, for being the real world equivalent of clicking the "like" button. [ cheers and applause ] >> steve: oh! come on! you're like family! >> jimmy: when you guys are here, you're like family. that's the truth! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ can we legally take it now, or are we gonna have to wait? >> steve: i think we should take it now and give unlimited breadsticks. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: i can't guarantee that right now. >> steve: no. >> jimmy: no. >> steve: maybe in the future. >> jimmy: yeah, in the future,

we can -- >> steve: yeah, sure -- >> jimmy: right now, i don't know if we can give anything away. >> steve: space food and jet packs. >> jimmy: we barely have enough money to keep -- stay on the air, our show, yeah. [ laughter ] when people leave, they all donate. when they leave, yeah. it's really sad. [ laughter ] we'll figure out something. >> steve: somethin'. >> jimmy: when you're here, you're family. >> steve: yes. [ cheers and applause ] that's-a right! >> jimmy: slowly dying. yeah. [ laughter ] i don't know if i like it. ♪ thank you, people already making thanksgiving day plans, for helping people like me come up with early excuses to get out of those plans. [ laughter ] "oh, no, i already made -- oh, i have a thing. sorry. i'm allergic to food." [ laughter ] ♪ thank you, the sound of dial-up internet from the '90s -- [ laughter ] or as i call you, original dubstep. [ rhythmic dial-up tones ]

you got mail. [ cheers and applause ] good bye. >> steve: good bye. >> jimmy: thank you, bowls of nuts at bars, for being complimentary germs. [ laughter ] "take as many germs as you want. go ahead." >> steve: i always say, "don't touch the nuts." >> jimmy: "don't touch the nuts." by the way, he just came back from the bathroom and he touched the nuts before you, so -- >> steve: oh, no -- those nuts. >> jimmy: oh, those nuts? no one's touched -- no one's even touched those. go for those. >> steve: but they did go into the bowl, but -- [ laughter ] [ cheers ] come on, it's right there! it's right there! ♪ nuts in the bowl nuts in the bowl everybody loves when there's nuts in the bowl ♪ ♪ when you're here you're family ♪ [ laughter ] [ cheers and applause ]

>> jimmy: that is the new olive garden -- ♪ nuts in the bowl >> jimmy: we got nuts in the bowl. yeah, that's the olive garden thing. doesn't make any sense -- >> that's their new -- they got rid of the family part. >> jimmy: they put bar nuts on every table. but their new slogan is "we got nuts in the bowl." >> steve: yeah, nuts in the bowl. like a coffee cup. ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, four-leaf clover, for teaching kids there's nothing luckier than genetic mutation. [ laughter ] [ nerdy voice ] >> steve: "the -- six arms are great, too. >> jimmy: "do you see that?" ♪ >> jimmy: thank you, christopher columbus, for discovering america, the land of freedom and opportunity, which has grown and advanced over its 500 years of existence. culminating last wednesday night, with the season finale of "here comes honey boo boo." [ laughter ] christopher columbus would be proud. [ applause ] [ italian accent ] >> steve: "hey! i'm-a proud-a!" >> jimmy: "i'm-a psyched-a for that!" [ as dom irrera ] "not in a bad way."

♪ thank you, button-fly jeans, for telling the world, "i want to look good. but i also want to make peeing a huge ordeal." [ light laughter ] there you have it. those are my "thank you notes." we'll be right back with "night news now." [ cheers and applause ] ♪

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♪ nuts in the bowl nuts in the bowl you've got the nuts in the bowl ♪ ♪ you've got the nuts in the bowl nuts in the bowl nuts in the bowl ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was -- nuts in the bowl! welcome back to the show, everybody. now it is time to take a look at the news of the now, the news of today and the news of the now. it's time for "night news now." ♪ >> tonight kobe bryant reacts to the ending of the movie, "titanic." >> i never really saw it coming, so it's just a great spot.

>> president obama says -- [ clearing throat ] >> and joseph gordon levitt talked about what he learned after going into the mcdonald's ball pit naked. >> they don't let people do that. >> it's time for "night news now." [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: hello. the first presidential debate between barack obama and mitt romney was held wednesday night in denver. something that really came up a lot during the debate was taxes. take a look. >> taxes. >> taxes. >> taxes. >> taxes. >> taxes. >> taxes, taxes, taxes. >> taxes. >> tax, tax, tax. >> tax. >> tax, tax. >> tax. >> tax, tax, tax, tax, tax. >> let me talk specifically about taxes. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and now to sports, or as it's said in reverse strops. [ light laughter ] a group of people who hate field goal posts demonstrated their rage at a recent game. [ light laughter ] no people were injured but the field goal post is in critical condition -- [ laughter ] now, to "tick-tock tech talk," your source for the latest in technology development.

here to give his review of the iphone 5 is tech correspondent, greg laspo. greg? >> thank you, jimmy. where do i begin with the iphone 5? let's start with my favorite feature right here on the back of the phone -- new 8 mega pixel camera. this thing takes stills and -- [ phone rings ] excuse me, jimmy. hello? what? oh, no. oh, i'm so sorry. wow. okay. thank you. bye. >> jimmy: everything okay, greg? >> my cousin's horse choked on a hot dog. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: i'm sorry to hear that. [ laughter ] >> that's okay. i hated that horse. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: then why are you sad? >> i loved that hot dog. [ laughter ]

>> jimmy: okay. all right. now it's time for "who wore it best?" the fashion segment where we show you two celebrities wearing the same outfit and you decide who wore it best. here, we have sofia vergara wearing a beautiful aquamarine beaded gown. [ cheers ] now here's that same dress worn by former u.s. president bill clinton. [ laughter ] [ cheers ] we asked our viewing audience and here's who you thought wore it best. once again, sofia vergara edges out bill clinton. [ applause ] and now, here to give her review of j.k. rowling's new book, "the casual vacancy" is katie couric. katie? [ cheers ] >> thank you. thank you. >> jimmy: now, katie, what did you think of the book? >> i haven't read the book, jimmy. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, katie. [ laughter ] time to see what's happening in other countries -- [ applause ] -- around the world. it's time for "globe news." ♪ [ speaking foreign language ]

[ in robot voice ] >> translator: hello. i am michael fitzpatrick. [ light laughter ] there will be a celebration downtown for the local boys and girls club. that reminds me of my 7th birthday party. my grandmammy put me on her knee, and said, "michael, today you are a big boy and you will get a big toy." and she gave me a slip 'n slide. i slid as fast as i could. and said, "wee-yee! this is fun." [ light laughter ] i went so fast my purple dolphin swimmy trunks flew off. boy, my cheeks were red, and not my face cheeks either but my buttocks cheeks. anyway, the event will be tomorrow at noon. ♪ [ laughter and applause ] [ laughter ] [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that was "globe news."

[ laughter ] and now let's take it to our man in the street. how are you doing, robert? >> i'm fine, thanks. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: and now -- and now to health news. here for a report on common food allergies is our correspondent bill nash. with his spaghetti mustache. [ laughter ] >> thank you, jimmy. [ cheers and applause ] thank you, jimmy. food allergies are more common than you think. they can be found in peanuts, milk, vegetable oil, gluten, egg, shellfish, wheat germ, eggs, shellfish and even wheat germ. [ laughter ] so if you start to experience adverse reactions to any of these foods, it's important to check with your doctor right away. >> jimmy: thank you, bill. now, do you have any food allergies yourself? >> spaghetti. [ light laughter ]

ah! [ light laughter ] ah, oh, god! [ light laughter ] spaghetti! >> jimmy: you say spaghetti when you sneeze. thank you, bill. folks, i want to take a moment to show you what the situation's looking like these days -- [ light laughter ] and finally -- [ laughter ] [ applause ] arnold schwarzenegger released a new memoir that has received mixed reviews. and while we don't know how this will affect his reputation long term, we do know that this is what he would like if his face were turned upside down. >> i was just getting a book of stories -- [ laughter ] and not talk about his alias. and that's not the book i wanted to write. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: that was "night news now." stick around. we'll be right back with katie couric. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our first guest is an award winning journalist and tv personality. she's got a brand new daytime talk show called "katie." ladies and gentlemen, please welcome my friend, katie couric. [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ >> jimmy: they love you! >> you guys are -- you're so funny. i love your news thing. it cracks me up. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that piece. i appreciate you doing that. >> you're welcome. i thought my review was very insightful. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. did not read it. at least you're honest, yeah. >> i like when you go to the man on the street. "hey, jimmy." [ laughter ] >> jimmy: "how's it going down there robert?" "pretty good, thanks for asking." "no problem, yeah." it's just so silly. but it was fun. like we -- i've got to say, i

did your daytime show, your new show. >> right. >> jimmy: how fun was that? >> we did it. and i don't know if anyone saw it. hopefully somebody did. [ laughter ] we did the show in my apartment. someone on our staff just said, "why don't we tape a show at your place?" >> jimmy: well, you surprised all the audience. >> yeah, so we had members of the audience get on a double decker bus. they were greeted by donald trump with a mega phone. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: he's driving the bus, yeah. >> and then they came to my apartment. they had no idea where they were going. and you were my great first guest, which was so much fun. then andy cohen came and delivered drinks to everybody. >> jimmy: it was the most fun thing ever, but we were actually in your apartment walking around your actual apartment where you live. >> we did our segment in the living room. >> jimmy: i'm sad i never got invited to your apartment before. [ light laughter ] i mean, we're friends. >> well, you can come any time. >> jimmy: any time, now i can. >> and then we did something in my bedroom on sleep, so -- [ cheers ] >> jimmy: no, no, no. [ laughing ] >> wait a second. >> jimmy: yeah, yeah, yeah, no. we got to walk around your place. and i -- you know, having comedians in your apartment. i mean, you're asking for me to pick on you for things. [ light laughter ] >> oh, yeah. i know, you guys --

>> jimmy: congratulations on your -- you must have a vcr. good for you. [ laughter ] there's these shelves of videotapes. i'm like, "what year is this from?" >> i have whole shelves my vhs tapes. that's because the american film institute gave me the best -- "the 100 best movies of the 20th century," which is so cool. i have "citizen kane" and "e.t." and all these movies. >> jimmy: and nothing play it on, yeah. yeah, nothing to play it on. it'd be like getting "the 100 greatest records." >> i know, it doesn't -- >> jimmy: "the 100 greatest 78s." >> it does make me look a little out of it. >> jimmy: no, the best thing was the vibra trim. >> i have a vibra trim. which i've never used. it's kind of like -- did you ever buy nordic track back in the day? >> jimmy: everyone did, yeah. >> basically -- >> jimmy: they fit under your bed, apparently. [ light laughter ] >> yeah, and you hung your clothes on it. well, this friend of mine told me to get this thing called a vibra trim -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> and that's it's really ggoo exercise. really good for your body because it really helps the internal muscles get in shape. and it's -- you basically you stand on it and it vibrates. >> jimmy: yeah. [ light laughter ] >> and actually, i think -- didn't i bring a little tape of it? >> jimmy: yeah, i have a clip of you using it. >> yeah. >> jimmy: well, here's katie couric using the vibra trim.

[ shaking voice ] >> ah. >> jimmy: there you go, right there! thank you. >> woo! >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about, yeah. so, you just stand on it. and you just -- [ laughter ] it just shakes you. [ applause ] the worst exercise idea i've ever heard of. >> but it's -- >> jimmy: you're just standing -- [ voice shaking ] yeah, yeah, yeah. >> it's so weird. it's like something out of "i love lucy," seriously. isn't it? [ laughter ] i'm getting rid of the vibra trim. but andy cohen gave me so much grief about that. >> jimmy: we hid notes all around your apartment, saying like, "really?" "what is this?" >> oh, i know. that night i was going to bed, and i lifted up my covers, or whatever, my duvet -- >> jimmy: yeah. >> and under my pillow, was your place is a -- mess, but i still love you. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: it wasn't a mess. but, yeah, we did just screw around with you. >> but it was fun. it was so fun. >> jimmy: we played a game. it was fun up to a point. >> yeah, and then we played "salad bowl," which is one of my favorite party games. i make all my friends play it. where you kind of -- some people call it "celebrities." >> jimmy: yeah, i just don't like losing. >> we buried you. andy and i won. jimmy, not so much. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: yeah, i was really angry. i was going to smash the salad bowl into pieces. [ light laughter ] >> but it was really fun! >> jimmy: but actually, we had a great time. >> yeah, we might have a re-match, i understand. >> jimmy: i'd love to challenge you to one, if you'd be up for one tonight.

>> i'm up for that. >> jimmy: i can get a salad bowl. [ cheers and applause ] i can go to the commissary down the hall, and get a salad bowl. are you enjoying the new show? do you like -- it's an hour long. it's -- you get to do whatever you want. >> yeah, i am. you know, i think what is really fun for me is it's so much variety. you know, one day i could be talking to this adorable kate middleton look alike from england. the next day, i could be doing something on bullying or dating violence. today, we did something on hazing. and i interview celebrities, but i get to really have a longer conversation. like, sofia vergara is very interesting. obviously she's beautiful. i think she looked better in that dress than bill clinton, by the way, i don't know about you. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: the polls show -- look, i can't screw with the numbers. yeah, i mean -- [ light laughter ] the numbers are -- yeah. but, you do a thing on your show that i think is cool. "yolo." >> oh, i know. okay, now, all the young people are making fun of the fact that i use the term, "yolo." >> jimmy: no, i like that. >> so, drake and i are tight. we're like this. >> jimmy: yeah. >> i'm kidding. but, i have interviewed drake. and so, we're doing this thing called "the bucket list." >> jimmy: yeah. >> and instead, somebody -- a younger person on the staff said, "why don't you call it

'yolo' because that's where the new fresher term for a bucket list." >> jimmy: yeah -- >> you only live once. >> jimmy: you only live once. >> and that's what my daughter says every time she eats a cupcake, "yolo, mom." [ light laughter ] i'm like, "go for it." >> jimmy: like, "yeah, nice try." yeah, yeah. >> so, i've been doing some things that are on my bucket list. and i got to actually ride in a nascar with danica patrick and drive one myself -- >> jimmy: that is crazy. >> -- which was really fun. >> jimmy: did you freak out? >> i look like a teenage mutant ninja turtle. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: no, you do not. you look adorable. >> yeah, okay. >> jimmy: stop it now. >> it was fun and i drove it, jimmy, 125 miles an hour which was really exciting. [ applause ] but when i drove shot-gun with danica, 180 miles an hour. >> jimmy: when she drove? oh really? >> when she drove. i was like, "woo-hoo." [ laughter ] it was so scary. >> jimmy: no, it's frightening. i don't -- i don't do that at all. >> yeah. >> jimmy: i'm an awful driver. i don't know what my "yolo" would be even. >> yeah, what would your yolo be? >> jimmy: this is it. >> i know, i was going to say. >> jimmy: this is part of "yolo." this is my bucket list, to have my own talk show. >> well, there you go. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: you're making it happen. you're a miracle worker. >> thank you. >> jimmy: she's magic! >> no problem! >> jimmy: katie couric is magic!

hey, i'll tell you exactly what my "yolo" is. i just thought of it. i want to beat you at "salad bowl." >> really? >> jimmy: let's do this tonight. [ cheers ] >> well, you may have to come up with another one after our next round. >> jimmy: no, we're going do it right now. yeah, let's do it. here we go. when we get back, katie couric and i are playing a game of "salad bowl!" [ cheers and applause ] it's super fun! come on back! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ ♪ chances are, you're not made of money, so don't overpay for motorcycle insurance. geico, see how much you could save.

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well, i guess the laws of physics are more like.. general guidelines.

♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: we are back with the beautiful katie couric, everyone. now, since she beat me when i was a guest on her show -- >> that's right. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] we're going to have a rematch of katie's favorite party game called "salad bowl." we have partners from the audience. what're your names and where you from? >> my name's rachel. i'm from antigo, wisconsin. ♪ >> i'm blake. i'm from oklahoma city. ♪ >> jimmy: that's what i'm talking about. okc. here we go. salad bowl is, like, celebrity. okay? so, you give your partner clues to get them to guess the names or words that are in the bowl on these little -- little green pieces. i'm gonna -- it's kind of like lettuce, like salad. >> yeah. >> okay. >> jimmy: all right. so now, for example, if the clue was "katie couric," you could say anything like, "she's the star of her own daytime talk show." but you can't give initials or say something like, "it rhymes with ratie rouric." [ laughter ] 30 seconds on the clock per turn.

the team with the most correct answers wins the salad bowl. [ audience oohs ] yeah. that's right. katie, why don't you start us off, all right? >> i'm gonna be the giver? >> jimmy: yeah, you're the giver. yeah. >> not the receiver? >> jimmy: no, you're not. [ light laughter ] >> okay. >> jimmy: oh, my gosh. >> okay, you gonna time me? >> jimmy: yes, we have a timer. ready, go. >> go? >> jimmy: go. >> okay, it's this game that came out in the '80s, and it's a square and it's different colors. >> rubik's cube. >> yeah. oh, it's a musical tv show. and lea michele -- >> "glee." >> thank you. um -- pass. pass. okay, she sings -- ♪ people people who need people ♪ >> barbra streisand? >> thank you. [ cheers ] oh, he was in las vegas without any clothes, a girl next to him. you can take pictures of his royal family. >> sara? >> no, no, no. royal family. he was in las vegas, naked pictures. he was like that. >> oh, harry. prince harry. [ buzzer ] ♪ >> jimmy: she got -- she got prince harry later. >> yeah, okay. we got four. we got four. that's okay. you want to put this one back in? >> jimmy: no, do you want me to?

is it awful? >> well, you can -- no, it's okay. >> jimmy: is it hard? >> it's not that hard. i just got -- i just froze. >> jimmy: all right, here we go. how many did you get there? four? that's awful, by the way. >> okay, fine. >> jimmy: katie, you were off your game on that one. what happened? all right, here we go. ready for this? >> i think i am. >> jimmy: all right, let's do this! you ready? >> i'm ready! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: woo, here we go. ready? >> yeah. >> jimmy: she's in a fight with nicki minaj. >> uh -- mariah carey. >> jimmy: okay. it's a good thing. she puts -- bakes cakes -- >> martha stewart. >> jimmy: yes. she, uh -- jay-z's wife. >> beyonce. >> jimmy: yes. he plays for the yankees. he's my favorite player of all time. number 2. >> oh, god. >> jimmy: pass. derek jeter, by the way. [ light laughter ] this is a thing you play on your phone. it's almost like scrabble, but it's not. >> words with friends. >> jimmy: yes. this is, uh -- [ as russell brand ] >> he's -- talks like this, and he prances around. he's british. he's -- [ buzzer ] no, it's russell brand. ♪ -- it's a tie game. 4-4. >> okay, come on, rachel. >> jimmy: i'm really bummed out. i'm really bummed out. >> woo! >> jimmy: yeah, good luck, rachel. [ light laughter ] >> okay, can i go?

>> okay. just focus, focus. >> okay, ready? >> jimmy: and go! >> sofia vergara. what's she on? >> "modern family." >> the red sox won this once. >> world series. oh, yeah. >> spinach, big muscles -- >> popeye! [ cheers ] >> the hashtags that people talk, like, 104 characters? >> oh, twitter! >> jimmy: these are all wrong clues! i can't -- >> channing tatum, strip. >> oh, "magic mike." [ cheers ] [ buzzer ] >> jimmy: oh, my goodness. ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> i'll do my best. i mean -- >> jimmy: sofia vergara. 104 characters. that's ridiculous. all right, i think it's -- the fix is in. are you ready for this? >> yeah, i think so. >> jimmy: come on, man! >> okay, i'm gonna do it! okay, okay! got it! i got this! >> jimmy: i still don't like to lose! i don't like to lose! >> they told me you were gonna yell at me. [ laughter ] daddy -- they told me --

>> jimmy: daddy, are you watching? daddy, are you watching tonight? i'm going to win, daddy. [ laughter ] i'm going to win one day. ♪ all right, ready? let's go. >> okay. >> jimmy: 30 seconds -- 30 seconds on the clock. i'm ready! let's go! >> this guy hosts "american idol." >> jimmy: ryan seacrest. >> yeah, okay. this is -- he hosts the "today" show. he's got a -- >> jimmy: matt lauer! >> okay, yeah. that was good enough. uh -- oh, god. >> jimmy: hurry up! >> i'm sorry! [ laughter ] he's the wizard guy. he's got the thing on his head. you know -- >> jimmy: pass! that's ridiculous. >> seven things. oh, come on. [ talking over each other ] >> jimmy: the wizard guy? >> mitt romney's gonna cut this guy. he's gonna fire this guy from pbs on "sesame street." come on. >> jimmy: mitt romney. >> yeah, no. who's getting fired? >> jimmy: big bird. >> yeah. okay, this is -- you can watch videos all the time on the internet. it's the main site you do it. [ buzzer ] ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: congratulations. oh, my gosh. you're the winner. i'm so sorry. i'm sorry. big bird. you get -- the salad bowl goes to the team -- [ cheers and applause ] ♪

katie couric! check your local listings for her new daytime talk show! jerry trainor joins us next! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] imagine skin so healthy, it never gets dry again.

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: our next guest stars

as the older brother, spencer, on the nickelodeon smash hit, "icarly," which has its fifth and final season premiere tomorrow night at 8:00 p.m. on nickelodeon. please welcome jerry trainor, everybody! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ >> jimmy: you're a good man. jerry trainor. jerry trainor, everybody. [ cheers and applause ] so good to see you, my friend. as always. >> good to see you. >> jimmy: thank you for doing that bit earlier. >> again. >> jimmy: yeah. >> jimmy: do you like coming to new york? 'cause you guys -- have you guys ever been on location? >> no. no. in fact, we were very excited when we heard we were coming to new york. normally, we get a script and it says something like, you know, "you're going to japan." and we're like, "yeah! yes!" and then, they set up, like, some japanese plants in the parking lot. [ laughter ] and some cameras.

and that's where we shoot. >> jimmy: there you are. you're going to japan in the parking lot. yeah. >> people on sunset are just, like, looking through. "what are they doing?" >> jimmy: but do you like new york? did you have here? >> i love new york. it's like a fantasy land here. >> jimmy: it is, right? >> so, i'm doing it right. i'm doing it, like, on the company dime. >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] smart man. >> like hotels and drivers. >> jimmy: yeah. that's the only way to do it, man. >> it's great. >> jimmy: now, what do you do -- do you stay in your hotel all day and watch tv? >> that's all i do. i watch tv. i watch the west coast feed, because i don't like to feel -- >> jimmy: you're so smart. it's so smart. you don't want to lose your edge, man. >> that trip where we shot with you was insane. it was like a dream trip. i mean, obviously working with you, and then, we saw "saturday night live" that week. >> jimmy: oh, fun. which one? >> the finale. >> jimmy: oh, with mick jagger. >> yeah! and then the after party. >> jimmy: where he played with the foo fighters? >> yes! [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: it's untoppable. >> but it wasn't even -- it wasn't even foo fighter songs. it was all, like, classic rock. >> jimmy: yeah, they just sing karaoke. >> with mick jagger! >> jimmy: mick jagger doing karaoke with the foo fighters. [ laughter ] i was gonna say, "mick jaggy." [ laughter ]

>> you got moves like jaggy. [ laughter ] ♪ i got the moves like jaggy i got the moves like jaggy ♪ ♪ i got the moves like jaggy ♪ >> jimmy: yeah. [ laughter ] you had -- but big guest stars. last year, you had first lady michelle obama. >> yes. >> jimmy: that was major. were you nervous for that one? >> very nervous. you have to be nervous. >> jimmy: you have to be. >> because they give you rules when the first lady's coming around. >> jimmy: they should. >> yeah. >> jimmy: they have you around. if they're around you, yeah. >> that's right. i'm a little too erratic. >> jimmy: yeah. >> most of the rules were just for me. that guy's gonna be a problem. [ laughter ] we have the tranquilizers. >> jimmy: secret service guys hitting you with blow darts, yeah. >> that's right. they don't even go for the -- >> jimmy: no, they go for the throat. >> they have a dart -- >> jimmy: blow darts. that's secret security carry -- secret service. i don't know what i'm talking about. sorry, my brain is spaghetti. >> are you guys the secret security? [ laughter ] this guy's the problem. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: all right. but no, you have -- emma stone is coming on this season. >> crazy, yes. [ cheers ]

>> jimmy: we love emma stone. >> we're going big, people. we're going big. >> jimmy: yeah. but this is the last season. >> well, tomorrow night is the premiere -- sort of the last batch of episodes starring you. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then, that ends -- the finale's gonna be some time in november. >> jimmy: sad. >> very sad. >> jimmy: but great news -- >> yeah? >> jimmy: you already have a new show. >> yes! >> jimmy: congratulations. >> thank you! [ cheers and applause ] thank you. >> jimmy: now, this is going to be on nick at nite. >> yep. >> jimmy: and what is it called again? >> "wendell and vinnie." >> jimmy: "wendell and vinnie." and you play vinnie. >> it's already funny. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: that is. >> 'cause that's -- >> jimmy: "wendell and vinnie." >> they laughed at the title. [ light laughter ] >> jimmy: now, explain what -- >> we got a hit! >> jimmy: wait, wait. explain what it is. you play vinnie. >> yes, i play vinnie. >> jimmy: yeah. >> and then, another person plays wendell. >> jimmy: there you go. [ laughter ] >> that's the show. >> jimmy: well, you're one of the funniest guys, i'm telling you. when you watch this "icarly" episode, you'll see -- if you haven't seen "icarly" -- >> you got to see this guy on that episode. >> jimmy: but i mean, usually "icarly" has a younger audience. our audience is a little bit older. but you should watch this saturday, 8:00, nickelodeon. >> tomorrow night.

>> jimmy: tomorrow night. i want to show a clip of how funny this man is. jerry trainor. here he is in the season premiere of "icarly." [ laughter ] >> no, i don't -- i don't -- >> what? >> mm, you smell like melon. [ laughter ] >> jimmy: thank you, internet, for giving us "icarly." >> yes! [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: because "icarly" makes us all laugh -- >> oh, my god, oh, my god, oh, my god! [ laughter ] [ screaming ] carly, carly, carly, carly! carly, carly, carly, carly! wake up, wake up, wake up! [ screams ] [ laughter ] wake up! get this off your head! wake up! jimmy fallon, jimmy fallon! carly, jimmy fallon! come see! you're not gonna believe this! get up! let's go! >> spencer! >> it's on the special night! have you gained weight? >> what? [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: jerry trainor! check out "icarly" tomorrow night, 8:00 p.m., nickelodeon. we have stand-up comedian dom irrera after the break.

here he is right now in the bud light lime suite. hey, dom! oh! [ cheers and applause ] ♪ [ female announcer ] pillsbury grands biscuits

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♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: welcome back, everybody. we are joined now by a very, very funny stand up who will be appearing tomorrow, saturday, october 6th at maguire's in bohemia, in long island, new york. also, for our australian viewers, you can catch him on october 21st, at the sydney opera house, for the "just for laughs" comedy festival. put it together for dom irrera! ♪ [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you.

see you at the opera house. how are ya? great crowd. what a great show. i gotta tell you -- [ cheers and applause ] i -- there's some incredibly beautiful women here. and i don't mean to pander to you but i mean, some of you girls are just -- you're like angels. seriously. you look so -- angels without wings. it's so beautiful to see you. and i think how great it is to get older because as you get older, you lower the bar in the sense that -- [ light laughter ] i mean, a lot of you girls -- not for nothing -- are average, you're less than average. [ laughter ] a little bit skanky, a little stinky. [ laughter ] maybe i shoulda stuck with you just look good but you look good to me, 'cause i'm not as good looking as i was. 15 years ago, quite frankly, i wouldn't crook my neck at some of you wildebeests, but -- [ laughter ] that was then and this is now. sometimes, you got to settle. [ laughter ] isn't it amazing how relative looks are when you think about how you change in your life? like, a second grader -- say he has his first crush on a first grader.

'cause even second graders like 'em a little younger. [ laughter ] what does he fall in love with? it's not her body. it's her face, her charm, her charisma. you never hear a second grader go, "-- did you see the body on nancy jane? [ laughter ] she's straight up and down, like a little, stick person. [ laughter ] she's like a boy without the junk." [ laughter ] i always think it's tougher for women in our society. like guys -- if they have talent, if they have money -- a guy could be a billionaire -- he could have an ear in the middle of his forehead and she'll go, "but isn't it cute the way he leans forward when he can't hear you?" "i'm sorry, what was that?" but women, they have to be somewhat good looking, somewhat hot because they have to turn a man on. you've got to have an erection. you can't lie about an erection. "baby, you don't love me anymore. you -- i don't turn you on?" "yeah, baby, totally." "but you're not hard." "yes, i am." [ laughter ] "no, you're not. i'm looking dead on at it.

you're not hard." [ laughter ] "no, i'm telling you, baby. you're looking at it from the wrong angle. go over there -- [ laughter ] you go over there and take a gander at that rock tube of love and you tell me i'm rock hard." it's nice the get an applause on a hard-on joke. i appreciate -- [ applause ] i'm killing. i have a friend who's a state trooper -- true story. i love when comedians say true story, like it matters. [ laughter ] true story. "excuse me, how about something funny you made up? because your true stories, to tell you the truth, are putting me to sleep. [ laughter ] not for nothing -- maybe, you know, pepper in a little bull at this time to make it funnier. spice it up a little. like you're gonna care if i say the truth. at the end of the night, you know, "boy, katie couric was so good and -- show was good. dom irrera wasn't really funny, but talk about integrity. [ laughter ] all he'd do was tell the truth." i was thinking about how girls and boys are treated unfairly by their fathers and differently. i have a friend who is a state trooper in new jersey. his son's at north carolina state. he goes, "dom, my son johnny at north carolina --"

said, "i'm so proud of this kid." i thought he was gonna talk about his marks. ho goes, "he nailed everybody in his class first semester. [ laughter ] three of his teachers he took down. i was crying like a baby." [ light laughter ] would you never hear a father bragging about his daughter like that. "that's my daughter in there with those ten guys. i'm so proud of her. [ laughter ] listen to her screaming like a banshee. that's -- [ laughter ] that's my little girl. oh, the stories we're gonna have at the campfire." [ audience ohs ] i have a friend who's a neurosurgeon -- true story, right? [ laughter ] stop me if you heard this and correct me if i'm wrong. [ laughter ] i have a friend who's a neurosurgeon and people go, "you have a friend who's a neurosurgeon?" like i can't have a friend who's a neurosurgeon because i'm a comedian. like, i hang out with clowns and [ bleep ] and jugglers. [ laughter ] unicyclists. but he said something very interesting. he says, "i can never do what you do." i said, "but at least you can kid around a little." i can't do a little neurosurgery. i can't talk to the o.r., "hey,

how's everybody doing today? is this thing on? hey, guess who's getting their head cracked open, mrs. rosenblatt? come on!" i feel good, i feel good. i'm gaining weight. i feel strong and bloated. i feel healthy. [ laughter ] i -- seriously, i have to gain -- 45 pounds for a part in a movie. i don't know what that movie is. hopefully i'll be cast in something -- they'll say, "you have to be 45 pounds heavier to --" i try -- i try and diet but i get so hungry, you know? i get really -- after about two hours, i get nauseous and hungry and i -- i never wake up craving anything healthy. i never wake up in the middle of the night, "baby, we got any roughage? we got roughage? we got -- [ laughter ] who ate all the broccoli? all this candy and chips and cognac." [ laughter ] that's funny because i -- i forgot how much weight i've gained. i mean, like, over the last couple years, you know how you forget and you just think of yourself in this one image. i'm coming back -- paris to l.a. air france flight, first class